If I compare the way I think of the situation right now and how I thought of it a few months ago, they are far from being similar. 

A few months ago, I remember taking the train to school thinking about how I wasn’t worried one bit. I honestly wasn’t even worried about how, out of my whole family, I was at a higher risk of getting the coronavirus, since I take public transportation to and from school. Some people were worried that they would close our school and they would cancel spring sports. 

But I wasn’t. 

For a while, I thought I was just hiding fear, but now I realize that I just didn’t really think it would have an impact on my life. I am a junior in high school so unlike the seniors, I wouldn’t be missing too much. The stakes weren’t as high. 

I do remember the first time I actually got mad, scared, and sad due to COVID-19. We were in the auditorium and they told us that we weren’t going to be in the building for the rest of the year and that spring sports were postponed. I was supposed to score my first soccer goal this year after three years of practice and anticipation, and that was taken away from me. I was supposed to see my many senior friends in the Ribbon Ceremony and in Graduation, but that too was taken away from me. 

That day when I got home, I told myself it would all be okay and I would be back to school in no time. E-learning isn’t something new for students at Holy Trinity; we experimented with it in previous snow days. The first week of e-learning though was the worst one so far. I began to feel very unmotivated, unsure of what I was doing, and in the end decided to stop working on two classes I usually put all my effort on. I wasn’t sure why I was feeling that way, since I hardly feel that way towards school work. Towards the end of the way I had 2 F’s and never in my life have I gotten that. I was shocked upon seeing this, but again for reasons I wasn’t sure about, I didn’t care. 

But the staff from my high school lifted me up like they always do. The principal called my mother to see how I was doing, the counselor emailed me about my grades and asked to talk, and a teacher from a class I was failing checked in. I woke up after the weekend, took a shower, and decided to confront the teacher of the class I was failing about how I was feeling. After the video call, I found out exactly why I was feeling so down before. 

Holy Trinity has become my second home, and the teachers there have become my family. Leaving the building was like leaving behind people I had grown so close with. I am one of those students that, even after extracurriculars, goes to visit almost all of her teachers to just talk. I have teachers that know what bothers me in school or elsewhere, some that know all the drama in my life, and some that I just go to to cry on their shoulders. Holy Trinity in some ways was an escape. And that was taken away from me. 

So I’m trying new things. I used to be uncomfortable about calling people. COVID-19 has pushed me to get used to it and put all those nerves aside, because calling people you care about can make your day better in seconds. My family and I wake up early to exercise, which we have never done before. I started to read a lot more for my own pleasure which I haven’t done for years due to my school commute obligations. My dad went from cooking once a year to four times a day! I have been able to watch my Chinese dramas and continue working on my Mandarin. 

The best part is that I’m getting to know my family—and myself—better than before. Just another thing that months ago I didn’t expect to see.